Why we homeschool

During my last seven years of homeschooling I have been fortunate enough not to encounter any major discouragement from non-homeschoolers. Most people are interested when they find out, and many ask questions out of genuine curiosity. I always enjoy talking about homeschooling, and it doesn't at all offend me when people want to know why or how we do it.

Ninjaschool homeschool

I've only ever had one aggressively negative person - a complete stranger, funnily enough - who, upon learning my son was educated at home, took it upon herself to tell me all the reasons why homeschooling is inferior to "traditional" school.

(As a side note, all throughout history, homeschooling was the norm, which means that it technically is more traditional than the institutionalized school which we see today. Just sayin'.)

I will admit I was baffled when the anti-homeschooler - a mom I'd only met minutes before at a birthday party - seemed set out to convince me to put my son in public school. While I love to talk about the benefits we enjoy in our homeschooling lifestyle, I have never and would never say or imply that someone is wrong for sending their children to school away from home or make them feel bad for doing things differently than we do. Ever. What is right in our family doesn't mean it's right for your family. And vice versa. That's why it seems so strange and unfair when people think it's okay to tell homeschoolers they're wrong.

Based on some online forums as well as talk I've heard from people around the water cooler, homeschooling seems to offend a lot of people. I still haven't figured out why. I am not offended by people who send their children to public school. I went to public school myself, and then went on to a public university. Honestly, I never dreamed I'd homeschool my own children after having such a wonderful experience throughout my academic years.

But now, I really can't imagine it any other way. Here are a few reasons why we love it:


We are an international family.

We are both American and Bermudian, which means half our family lives in another country. Because of the cost and hassle of travel, we normally stay for several weeks when we visit Bermuda. This would not be possible if our children were in regular school.

We are not bound by a school calendar.

One of the first things I had to do when I began homeschooling was to get the notion of a 9-month school year out of my brain. Other than the annual testing our state requires from us, we are not bound by any length of time we have to do school or the specific way we do it.

It's awesome.

I've learned that we all do better with a less traditional schedule for each school year. We school for six weeks and then take a full week off. Then we do it again. Some years we finish in May, and some years we finish in June, depending on how many extra days we took off during the year. The thing is, stuff comes up. Unforeseen stuff. There are surprise visits from out-of-town family. There are illnesses. There are new babies. There are snow days and there are beautiful spring and fall days that need to be spent playing outside rather than inside doing school work. There are days when we all just need a break. There are last-minute vacations. Our flexible schedule allows us to take breaks when we need to without worrying about the kids missing a test, stressing out over make-up work, or being penalized for an unexcused absence. Sometimes when we travel, the kids do school in the car or on the plane. And sometimes we just take the time off and don't even think about it.

It's a wonderful feeling to be free of the calendar.

Socialization is not an issue. Really, it's not.

Ask any homeschooler the question, "But what about socialization?" and they're going to either roll their eyes or make a desperate attempt not to. This is the main argument people love to give against homeschooling, and frankly, it's ridiculous.

I could tell you about all the out-of-the-house activities my kids are involved in, from sports teams to church to service groups, but first and foremost we have to get something straight: the definition of socialization is "the adoption of the behavior of the surrounding culture; the act of adapting behavior to the norms of a culture or society." In other words, socialization is teaching someone how to behave in society. Society, by the way, does not consist solely of people your exact age in one room all day. Society is made up of babies, children, teenagers, adults, and senior citizens. Homeschool teaches socialization much better than regular school because homeschoolers are out in the real world, engaging in situations and conversation with all kinds of people of all ages. They learn how to behave while out running errands, while waiting in line at the post office, while grocery shopping. My 9-year old can carry on a conversation with an adult as easily as he can play with friends his own age, and then switch to gently talking to a baby or toddler. This is the real world, and this is real socialization.

Most people are really talking about socializing when they ask the dreaded socialization question. However, as I remember from my own childhood in both private and public school, we were required to sit quietly and still in our desks during the vast majority of the school day. Socializing during class was discouraged. I have vivid memories of exasperated teachers telling us, "You are not here to socialize, you are here to learn - so stop talking!" The only socializing allowed to take place was during recess, during a 20 minute lunch, or in the 5 minutes between classes. I'm not sure this really is a good argument for why regular school teaches socialization or socializing better than homeschool. As homeschoolers, we can schedule socializing into our day by planning play dates, get-togethers, and field trips to encourage healthy interactions with friends. And no one is punished for talking.


We don't have bullies at home.

Because children in regular school outnumber the adults, bullying is more prevalent. Children are less likely to bully while integrated with adults. Penelope Trunk says it perfectly on her blog: "The thing that keeps kids in check is the adults around them. Throughout human history kids have been raised alongside adults and the adults have modeled for them how to act. Throughout human history the ratio of adults to kids has never been 1:30. In this case, you cannot model for the kid. The kids are teaching each other. They are isolated from examples of how adults live their daily lives."

Still, the same people who harp on the socialization argument also think it's good for kids to be exposed to bullies and negative influences at school. It gives them the opportunity to learn how to respond, they say.

Well guess what. While we don't have bullies at home, homeschoolers are certainly susceptible to bullies and negative personalities as we go about our lives. There are bullies present in church groups, the neighborhood, sports teams, and playgrounds, just to name a few. Trust me, we've already encountered some. The difference is this: my children can immediately come to me when this happens, and we can talk through the correct response to the situation and take steps to find a solution. Public schools often can't deal with bullying problems effectively, or they simply chalk it up to "kids being kids." But by having a direct involvement in my child's life in the homeschool world, with no school board bureaucracy governing what can be done, we can solve the problem like an adult can in the real world. The child can choose to leave a certain group because of a bully, as an adult can do the same in the case of an impertinent coworker or acquaintance. The child can come to me for guidance or help as an adult can do through a work-related human resources or similar. And as a homeschooling parent, I can be completely intolerant of any physical abuse, just as an adult could press charges against a physical assault.

Just because he's not left on his own with a class full of immature children for eight hours every day to sort it out for himself, it doesn't mean he's not learning what to do.


My kids are learning to think independently.

Our goal as homeschoolers is to teach our children how to teach themselves. We give them the tools and guidance in the early years and then wean them gradually as they get older. Eventually they are able to learn on their own, teach themselves anything they want, and draw their own conclusions rather than just following the crowd. This is often vastly different from the group settings in school, where children are more likely influenced by peer pressure.


Smaller crowds!

Okay, so I realize this is a very minor, unimportant thing, but it is a perk nonetheless. Because most kids are in school during the week, we get to enjoy lighter crowds at all the fun places. Playgrounds, restaurants, museums, movie theaters, bowling alleys, amusement parks, pools, shopping centers - they're all pretty deserted on random weekdays. We have become very spoiled by this fringe benefit!

No lines! Everyone else is at school!

I don't want my children to think intelligence or a love of learning is something negative.

You may have been one of the lucky ones. Maybe you attended a school where children encouraged the smart kids, thought they were cool for spending time in the library with their noses in books, or congratulated each other for getting good grades.

Unfortunately, that's not how it usually goes.

Kids who love to read and learn are often ridiculed by other children. They are sent the message that wanting to learn and do well in school are undesirable and worth teasing. Smart kids are "nerds" and musical kids are "band geeks." Popularity is usually based on appearances or the strongest personality.

I don't want my children thinking this is right.

I want to be with my children while they're still at home.

Kids spend roughly eight hours a day, five days a week, nine months a year, in school, and that's not counting after-school activities. That's a lot of time spent under the influence of people I don't really know that well. It's also a lot of time that I'm missing. I want to be present when my child first learns to read. I want to see him when he finally understands a concept that he's struggled with. I want to know what he's learning. I want to know what he's reading. I want to know what's on his mind. I want to answer his questions or guide him in getting them answered.

And most importantly, during his formative years I want his main influences to be his dad and me - not a bunch of kids who simply follow the strongest personality, a bunch of kids who may or may not share the same moral standards as we do.

We can do school in our pajamas, and the kids' birthdays are school holidays.

Need I say more?

School often looks like this around here.

My kids can progress at their own individual paces.

With classrooms full of so many children, it's logical to assume they are not all on the same intellectual level. Some may be strong in math but weak in reading. Others may have a great interest in history but not understand scientific concepts. Unfortunately, it's impossible for one teacher to give each of the 20 students a personalized education. That's not the teacher's fault; it's simply due to numbers. As a result, the kids who quickly grasp new concepts become bored - and often get into behavioral trouble because of it - and the children who are struggling get left behind. Children are all different, with different strengths and weaknesses.

Because our student-teacher ratio is currently 1:1, I can give my son all the help he needs. When he grasps a math concept quickly, after assessing him I can choose to skip over redundant questions that would just bore him. When he struggles to understand an idea in science, we can slowly retrace our steps or look at different examples to provide a more adequate explanation. When it comes to homeschooling, truly no child is left behind.

There's no homework. 

I suppose this is arguable since technically all our work is homework. But what I mean is there's no extra work beyond what we do during our school day. I really feel sorry for kids who spend all day in school, only to come home to another couple hours of more school via homework. For us, when we're done, we're done.


We can go as slowly or as quickly as we want.

If we don't have any extra activities, we can easily finish all our 4th grade work by lunchtime. Why do homeschoolers finish in so much less time than public school kids? It's because we don't have wasted time standing in line, walking to class, stopping at the locker, waiting for children to quiet down, waiting for every one of the 20 students to finish his or her lesson, etc. We just open our books and go!

On the other hand, we can also take our time. Normally, Asher starts on his own and completes all his independent work while I sit with Asa and read or play. We usually take a mid-morning snack break. Sometimes we'll go out and run errands, play outside, or play with friends. Sometimes we break to just have a little bit of down time if I can tell Asher is getting frustrated. If we have a morning like that, we pick up where we left off after I put Asa down for his afternoon nap. We always finish well before dinner time, even if we have a day jam-packed with various breaks or distractions.


Siblings learn to be friends.

This is really born out of necessity. Homeschooled siblings are together all the time. This is a wonderful thing, and friendship can happen regardless of age. My 9-year old and 3-year old play together well, though it's mostly because my older son has learned to adjust his playing in order to include his little brother. He learns patience and understanding through the frustrations that come with toddlerhood. (Socialization at its finest!)

In the end, though, I want to foster a good relationship between my children. One day, my husband and I will be gone, but they'll still have each other. I will do whatever I can in these early years to cultivate that relationship.

The children see firsthand what their parents value, everyday.

Since the kids are home with us all day long, they can more easily pick up on what's really important. When they see us reading our Bibles, exercising, taking care of our home, serving others, speaking respectfully to each other, and handling crises when they arise, the children are learning through our example. We can talk until we're blue in the face about what's really important, how to act, and what to say, but what the kids observe in us all day long is what really demonstrates what we value as a Christian family.


My children are well-rested.

The kids can sleep as late as they want. We start school sometime in the morning, though we have no set time. If the kids are up a little later the night before, no problem; they can sleep in the next day. There's also ample time for naps if needed.

I have to admit that those winter mornings I see the neighbors waiting for the school bus when it's cold and still dark outside are the mornings I am most thankful we homeschool. Those mornings I stay in my pajamas, sipping hot tea while snuggling and snoozing with my children in front of the fireplace just a little longer than usual.

Field trips.

Yes, yes, we all know regular schools take field trips, but realistically there are probably only two, maybe three, each year.

We can take as many as we want!

This is one of the great luxuries - aside from doing school in your pajamas - of homeschool. We live in a very historically important state, so when we study history we can visit the actual historic sites. We can take a field trip every week if we want. And even better - a lot of these places offer homeschool discounts.

Let's not forget that field trips take many different forms. You've got the obvious ones - like a trip to the Smithsonian or Monticello - but then there are the others. A trip to Disney World offers a slew of learning opportunities, especially at EPCOT (which is a homeschooler's dream come true!). A camping trip provides a perfect chance to study wildlife, flora and fauna. A beach day presents the topics of erosion, sea life, and tides. Really, what I'm saying is that I can totally transform our vacations into field trips!

Exploring an empty Jamestown Settlement with another homeschooling friend.

Writing in their nature journals while outside on a fall afternoon.

We can nurture our children's specific interests, strengths, and talents.

While there are certain subjects that simply must be done regardless of how my kids feel about it, like math and reading, homeschool provides the opportunity to discover a child's interests and delve deeper. Asa is interested in several different things, like spiders and mummies. I have the time to read as much as Asa wants about these topics, and he's voraciously soaking it all in. He is learning that books bring knowledge and that he can learn more about things that interest him. In fact, tonight in the bath he asked if I had any books about what happens to water after it goes down a drain.

In the same way, when something in a history or science lesson sparks my 4th grader's interest, we can halt the curriculum and instead find more books on the subject from the library. My goal is to cultivate a love of learning, not studying only as much as will be asked on a standardized test.

We planted beans as part of a math lesson on measuring, but Asher was so interested in the plant that he took the initiative to care for it himself after learning more about it.

School revolves around life, and not the other way around.

Don't get me wrong here. We place a very high value on education, and I spend countless hours researching, learning, and praying about what and how to teach my children. Our goal has always been to produce well-educated, well-rounded individuals of good character who can think for themselves, draw their own conclusions based on facts, and possess the ability to teach themselves new things.

However.

I do not believe that our lives should revolve around school. That's not all there is to life. Life is faith and family and friends and illness and love and relationships and tragedy and joy and housework and grocery shopping. School fits in there, too, but there are many other things that take priority. I hope I never forget that. I hope I never sacrifice my relationship with my children or an opportunity to teach character in order to cross another thing off my to-do list. I hope I teach love.